I'm going to leave everything behind. Literally. When I come back I know mostly everything and everyone will be different. The only ones that will be the same are my brothers. Sometimes I wish I went Active instead of Reserve.... With Active I wouldn't have to come back. I could leave and just stay gone. With Reserve I must come back and see all of your faces. I'd really rather not. I could always move.. which I might do... then again I might not.

I could just deal with it and be a complete stranger. I think I'll do that. It was nice knowing you... when I was stupid. ^_^

Well guys.... I don't have a whole lot of time before I leave for Basic Training. I leave June 6th. So I might as well let some things out. I have a habit of lingering in the past.. maybe that's my way of hiding from the future. Maybe that's why I try to stay away from any type of confrontation. I'm hoping I can change that.

I feel as if some of my friends are drifting away from me. I feel left out most of the time. So feeling left out and left alone to think about the past isn't that great of a thing. I don't exactly feel wanted or accepted. If that is true.. then what is it that makes me different?

I care for people who don't care for me. It's a habit. I try to care about everyone... even if it isn't returned. I'm told I have a good heart.... Sure I do.. Now. If only they knew what I had to do to get to this point...

People try to make me feel stupid when I really know what I'm doing. Sadly it's the stupid people doing this... The horribly stupid.... I hate stupid people... Other people try to make me feel stupid because of other things.... I just don't understand..

I don't understand a whole lot of things anymore. I'm lost and confused. I thought everything was going so well. I had my friends... I had my life... I had everything so... together. *sigh* Venting is a good thing. Then again... maybe it's not. It makes me think.... I like to think.. but then again I know I don't like to think.

Just to be honest... Most of you have hurt me in some way. Trust me... You have. Don't ask how or anything either.. I'm not going to answer that... I just want you to know that even if you don't mean something... You really can hurt someone. I'm living proof of a lifetime of disappointments and lies and hurt.... I'll admit... I did have a few good times. Most of those good times died when I was 12. Wish he didn't die.

So everyone who reads this is probably saying "Shit... He complains too much. We've all had bad lives." I don't care what you say really. I could give a fuck about it. Frankly... I could give a fuck about you.

Enjoy the rest of your day/night.